Have you ever had the experience of trying to help someone who had given up trying, deciding they couldn’t do something, or that it was impossible for them? Maybe that someone is you…
This last week, I struggled as I tried to help a child learn how to write his letters of the alphabet. He was trying to make each letter look the way he knew letters were supposed to be written – like they are typed. I tried to convince him that he wasn’t a computer and it was okay to make mistakes, but with each passing attempt, he would throw his head back and tell me how dumb he was. He just couldn’t do it. It was seriously painful to watch.
It continued as he began to color. He would get slightly out of the lines and crumple up the whole page, telling me he was a terrible colorer. It didn’t matter what I said to encourage him, he had decided there was no hope for him and he was done trying.
It made me remember when I was first starting to write music. It was so hard at first.
I wanted to be able to write music that sounded like the professionals and I wanted to make it sound like that from the very beginning – before I even knew what I was doing!
I finally gave up trying to write songs with words because it was so hard, and decided to just stick with piano music. It was easier for me, and I started writing bunches of piano songs. It was getting easier to do the music, but I still had the desire to write songs with words.
When I started my sheet music website (www.kerbymusic.org), I wanted even more to be able to write vocal songs. I tried again, but again it was so hard. I decided I needed to get other lyricists to help me and wrote several songs with other people’s words.
I was finally writing vocal songs, but it still wasn’t the same as writing my own songs. I tried again, but it was still hard. Everything I wrote seemed so dumb and I wondered if writing lyrics would ever be something I could be good at.
One thing I learned was that I couldn’t just write a song for the sake of writing one. I needed a reason to write, something I could get specific about. I tried to think of reasons I could write, but nothing was coming. I was again ready to just give up and not ever try again. That day I told Heavenly Father that if He really wanted me to write songs, He was going to have to help me. He was going to have to give me some reason to write, and until that happened, I wasn’t going to worry about it anymore.
The next day was the Sabbath and the Relief Society President caught me in the hall. She asked me if I would be willing to do a musical number for Relief Society. She told me the very specific purpose and scriptures that she wanted the song to be about but that she hadn’t found anything that quite fit the purposes of her lesson. She asked me if I had any ideas. I knew it was Heavenly Father was answering my prayer. I told her I could probably come up with something. I didn’t mention that I would try to write a song, wondering if I’d even be able to.
That week I wrote the song and it was so much easier than any of my previous attempts. I knew Heavenly Father was helping me. It wasn’t a great song, but it was a song with words. I sang it in Relief Society and afterwards one person came up and told me thank you. I think she was only trying to be polite, but her comment meant so much to me. I didn’t tell her or anyone else that I had written the song. It took me awhile before I was willing to be that vulnerable, but the blessings have been immeasurable.
I’ve been grateful for the gifts and talents God has blessed me with. I know God gives us talents and abilities, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to work to get good at them. I’m still learning and trying to get to that place that I have in my mind. I’m not there yet, but I know I can’t get there unless I keep trying.
If you know someone who is struggling with self doubt or even if it’s you, tell them not to give up! Keep trying and believing and someday soon they’ll learn to fly.
