I’ve been overwhelmed the last few days. The contention level in my home has been high. I’ve been trying to help our children to show love instead of fighting so much, but I realized this week that maybe it’s because they don’t recognize the love that is shown. All at once I had children begging for extra attention, a friend’s child who told me my house wasn’t clean, and the final straw, when my husband mentioned a small thing that would help him to feel more loved. I didn’t mean to bite his head off, but I did, creating an even bigger feeling of failure, as a wife and as a mother.
I prayed to know how I could help each of the members of my family to feel loved, without being overwhelmed at the same time. I knew I also needed to be able to have some free time to take care of myself and stay happy.
I was quite surprised on Sunday, to walk into a Relief Society meeting (the hour of church when women get to share a lesson together) to my exact question, “How are some different ways we can show love to our family?” I listened as many women shared ways that they showed love. We talked about love languages, and how it’s sometimes hard to share love in our spouses love language. I know about that. Our love languages are completely different. One sister said that she just asked her husband what he valued most, and those were the things she did.
I was grateful for my husband’s suggestion that he had given me earlier. I knew I could do his simple request, but I worried what would happen if I let each of my children tell me what I should do for them. It was too overwhelming! I worried they would want me to make their lunch (something I really dislike doing), or give them long backscratches, or spend large amounts of time with each of them. Some things would just be too difficult to do. This afternoon, I had the thought that maybe I could give them a list of some of the things that I do to show my love for them, and they could let me know which ones help them to feel loved the most.
I started writing things I try to do each week. Clean the house, do the laundry, dishes. I thought about how I get kids ready for school, fix meals, help them with homework. I thought about the dirty diapers, taking kids to the doctor, and helping them learn about keeping their rooms clean. I realized even when I put my kids in a time out, it’s because I’m trying to show them love. My list went on and on and on. I found great pleasure and satisfaction in all the things I do!
I wrote about attending choir concerts, and making sure kids have snacks when they come home from school. Helping my husband organize the garage and doing gardening. Times I spend giving hugs, and listening to them when things are going wrong. I’m definitely not perfect at any of these things, but they are things I try to do when I can. It felt good to list them off.
Tonight for our Family Home Evening (special time we spend as a family each week) I read the list of ways I show my love. I had my children take note of their 3 favorite things that I do for them. Then afterwards, I had each of them write twenty things that they each do for each other to show love. It was hard for some of them to think of things, but it was fun for me to help them remember how much they do!
Tonight, alone, I read each of their papers. I prepared myself to try and not be overwhelmed by their requests. I didn’t need to worry. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I felt their love. It was like reading 7 of the sweetest letters I had ever received.
I know what I can do for them now. They are all mostly things I was already trying to do. Now I have a better incentive, and I feel their love and appreciation for those things as well. I have the best family in the world, and I’m so grateful for them!
There is so much to be grateful for! I hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving.