I have just recently discovered the Duggar Family. In case you don’t know about them, they are a Christian family with 19 children (and still counting!). Their family has been featured for years on the Learning Channel, but since our family doesn’t watch a lot of TV, we’d never heard of them before.
Recently, I was at my public library and just browsing the shelves, when I saw their new book, “A Love That Multiplies”. I read the whole thing, and then had to get their first book as well, “The Duggars: 20 and counting!”
I’ve always been impressed by people who live (what we would think) difficult lives, and then share how they enjoy life anyway! These people are always inspiring to me, and the Duggar’s are no exception. In reading their story I was deeply touched by their family values, ethics, financial system and much more.
Michelle, the mother, believes strongly that children are a blessing and a gift from God. Being the mother of seven children, it was a good reminder of how blessed I’ve been. I’ve always been very grateful for the opportunity to have children, but reading about the Duggar’s gave me a whole different perspective on motherhood. I feel inspired to be a better mother.
I’ve already learned in the last year that the more time and energy I’ve put into raising kids, the better the outcome has been. It has ALWAYS been worth the effort. I was curious to know some of the Duggar’s tricks for raising obedient and well-mannered children. The result- I learned a ton! I’ve been trying to adapt several of the things this family does into our home, and I’ve had tremendous success!
I had already been trying to implement the first Presidency message this month, One Key to a Happy Family , and adding what I learned about conflict resolution from the book has really made a big difference. The trick is to be there every time there is arguing or fighting. For my family, that seemed impossible, but as I’ve tried to come and help settle the arguments, there has been less and less of them, and the kids are learning and solving problems on their own. The trick has been to help them identify what they shouldn’t have done. They always feel justified because of what someone else does for their behavior, but I’m teaching them to forgive and then to apologize for what they did. I’ve had them say things like, “I shouldn’t have gotten mad and pulled your hair, Will you please forgive me?” Almost always, the other child has said yes, they give each other a hug, and things are better. It has been amazing to watch.
The other thing we tried last night for our Family Home Evening was the Duggar’s “Obedience” game. It was our activity- and the kids loved it! For our lesson, we first sang the song that goes, ”When my mother calls me, quickly I obey…”, and then we explained why we need to obey quickly. The Duggar’s talked about how learning to obey our parents quickly, or instantly, helps the children to be ready to ‘instantly’ obey God when they listen to his promptings. We also reminded the kids about what we’ve learning about showing respect. When we obey quickly, we are showing respect to our Heavenly Father and to our parents.
The game went something like this: I’d call one of the kids names and they would give me their full attention, and say, “Yes mom.” Then I would give them some task to do – go downstairs and close and open the cupboard in the bathroom 2 times and after checking your weight on the scale, come back upstairs”. As that child would rush off, we’d give another assignment to another child and they would go with a “Yes Mom”. You wouldn’t think that the kids would like it that much, but they did, they LOVED it! The funnest part was having Dad take a turn. I had to remind him that he couldn’t ask them to do chores, but some of Dad’s tasks ended up being things like running out to the mailbox and yelling at the top of their lungs, “I love our Kerby family!” Our family isn’t shy, so it was actually something fun. The kids had a blast.
This week, I’m trying to give my kids more opportunities to say, “Yes Mom” and obey. One thing I’ve noticed is that if I just get mad, put the child in time out, or yell at them, it totally depletes any opportunity for the child to have a “Yes Mom” experience. Instead I’ve learned to get the child’s attention, and then with a kind, soft voice, saying something like,”Please will give your sister back her blanket”. This is an opportunity for the child to quickly obey and for them to hear their mother’s praise. Praise- it’s something that makes a huge difference. Praise builds and helps them to feel better about themselves. Yelling and anger tear down, break relationships and add to the contention in our home. As my kids are happier with themselves, they’ve been happier with each other. I so want a happy home. I’m starting to see some positive changes, and I’m excited about that. Thank you Duggar’s for being such a great example, and for giving me some applicable ideas on how to accomplish that!